snip snip

I cut my hair.

side

smile a little

And I have a serious back and forth identity crisis about long hair vs. short hair. Have as long as I can remember.

I like that it's asymmetrical. Even though the stylist looked at me funny upon request. And I think it fits my personality, best. But I see women with long beautiful hair, and sort of...grieve not having it. It certainly fits my schedule better, that's for sure. I'm not sure style dictated by convenience is the best way to go, but hey, something's gotta give when I'm exhausted in the morning, and doing my best to get out the door.

coast of the sun

Shall we talk about Spain again? I think so. More to come soon on some other realizations en route the quest to "find" myself....

There's a proposition to turn a bullfighting ring into an animal friendly place-
http://inhabitat.com/xv-studio-proposes-to-turn-barcelona-bullfighting-ring-into-animal-friendly-eco-center/
Perhaps that's more up my alley. I'd get to see an arena- and appreciate the history- but maybe moving forward, we approach the value of animals differently? food (veggies) for thought...

to quote, the building "fosters life instead of destroying it"


And, I read this about the LGBT community there-
http://inhabitat.com/boom-sustainable-lgbt-community-pops-up-in-costa-del-sol/

(Costa-del-sol literally means coast of the sun...and that, I dig)

While I'm not sure how I feel about the self imposed segregation of the living quarters, I do appreciate the idea that urban planning can be based on more than physical geography, or commercial development (convenience).  I hope that it would foster a sense of community that perhaps is lacking, but at what cost to the already-lost outsiders?

it has been some time

I went on a hiatus.

Partially cause I thought maybe I should do a little figuring out, with the time I was spending writing about how I couldn't figure anything out. Heh.

rhythm

Spain is on the top of my bucket list. I think about it daily. I need to get there, sooner rather than later. My new budget is based on percentages. So maybe, even if I took 10% of my pay coming in, and saved it for Spain, it would make me happy.




There's something raw about the culture- passionate, play (art, music, dancing, etc) is done with fervor, and work with due diligence but moderation. From an outsiders view, in, anyway.

masterpiece

Things of note:
1. Visit Barcelona. The art and architecture will I'm sure, leave me feel grateful for the skill and creativity of men and women in that area.
2. I'll need to see Gaudi's Sagrada Familia (pictured) and check out the architecture in The Placa De Catalunya.

3. Visit the Barcelona aquarium (cause I like them), and the Picasso Museum (cause I like him)

4. See a show at the Magic Fountain (pictured) because the lighting, etc. is all supposed to be amazing. 

light

5. If I don't implode out of sheer amazement and wonder in Barcelona, go to Madrid. Seek out lighting designers to converse with. I know some, already, thanks to my boss who did me a solid and took my business cards with him when he went to Spain, because I asked him too.

dark sky

6. While in Madrid; visit at least these three museums: the Prado, the Reina Sofia, and the Thysen-Bornemisza.
7. I must see flamenco dancing. At least 2 shows.
8. I must see acoustic spanish guitar.
9. I have wrestled with my own issues with this; but I have long been fascinated by bullfighting. And have considered seeing one. I'm not sure I would, handle it well- but sometimes it is the experiences we don't handle well, that says the most about us. The meat is donated to the community.

i.see.green.

10. I also need to check out the vertical gardens popping up in Spain. They have some of the largest in the world.

In the mean time: I plan to continue to watch Pedro Almadovar films, because he's my favorite director and every movie he does is set in Spain. Continue to research art and architecture to see there, with some specific attention to lighting.





.

perspective

I may not have the look down, that I'd like.
Or know exactly who I am or where I'm coming from some days.

But I do know, that I'm happy for the progress I've made physically. I was on facebook this evening, and it inspired me to write this post.

On my friend Lisa's page, theres "photos of you and Lisa" and the first two photos are shown back to back.

I just stared. And then clicked back and forth, back and forth. Like a flip book.

The left photos are January 2010, then the right are June 2011. I'm around 70 lbs lighter, in the second photo. At one point I had lost 80 lbs (December), but I did gain some back.

It's strange how much that can change your look, your life, style, personality, perspective. I wish actually I knew someone going through that extreme of a change. I plan to continue to work on all this, but it's really different from someone who wants to lose ten to fifteen lbs.

I still have a ways to go, to feel healthy. But, it's things like this that help me understand how important it is to be grateful for progress.

Then

Now

Then

Now

So as a recap for the blog so far: I like my boots, industrial letters, and change. That's a start. I forget that sometimes I may not always know what I like- in my heart I've got an idea of who I'd like to be. And healthy is one of those things.

say something

I do have a thing for salvaged metal.

Especially old industrial sign letters, like this:

 salvage me

I might buy the B and E. Not for a to be or not to be kind of thing, but more cause, ma' name is Brienne Elizabeth.

They're 22" tall. And I dig they've been through something. Good texture.

and it starts

And this blog is born, here's why...

on my bed:

...3 books I took from the shelf "Homestyle Source Book", "Living Textures", "New Classic Style".
...a calligraphy pen, which I've found makes writing my to-do lists, well, fancy. And somehow, less daunting.
...a note bad. ugly, freebie.


I'm typing from my laptop. Had my nails done for the first time ever yesterday trying to decide if I was "that type of girl"...really, I was stressed. Needed something new. The color is called sage, but it's misleading. It's a french gray. The polish is vegan, chemical-free (I am that kind of girl).

ok, so birth of blog (stay on task)

I grabbed the books off my shelf for one purpose- to go through and flag images I like. As a, "who am I?" exercise.

I grabbed a pair of boots I bought in NYC, too, before coming to bed. Because I love them. I set them next to the bed and thought perhaps they might serve as some, starting point for the "who am I" venture.

So my point? it has become blatantly obvious that at some point between art and design schooling, being busy, being impressionable- aka...acquiring some notion of style through osmosis through people I deem as stylish however ill-fitting or contradictory their style may be to my personality (that has mattered so little), budgets, living in a small city type atmosphere but missing the country, and constantly evolving "tastes" that I actually, have no clue what I like.

I rarely see anything out and about and think, yeah- that's me. i.don't.see.brie.

These boots were a start.
So was this nail polish.

So what happened tonight? well, it occurred to me, to look at the brand of the $30 boots, and see if some of it's like-styled pals were available for purchase. Or was it a loner in a sea of yuck?

I just clicked through 117 boots on Macy's website to look for boots that say "brie" ( I prefer Brienne. I don't have the heart to tell a lot of people that. Brie is easier to pronounce and rhymes with more things).

I judged myself for the online search. Were finding a perfect pair of boots going to give me an insight into myself? maybe. Did I think I should blog about this next phase of my life...well, you're reading, aren't you?

I admit...I'm in the middle of what I'd deem a code red crisis in a designers life. I say designers life, because it is a common assumption that as creative people we have this well-developed sense of self (especially aesthetic preferences, see hair color comment later). And many designers I know, absolutely do.

Not knowing what I like...is a problem. While I can design things, I can tell you all the rules or principles that were followed to make something look "right" or why something that is totally wrong, and breaks said rules, is still appealing.

When it comes to me? I'm about as lost as a 5 year old at a zoo wearing camo.

My hair was bleach, bleach blonde for less than 2 months recently.Thought it was totally me. Learned I hated it. Now my hair is my natural dark brown. I think I'm boring. It's really, see, a no-win. Tonight, I almost chopped it all off. Maybe new rule...blog first, decide later.

This isn't as superficial as it sounds. Without diving into a side of myself (I promised this would not become one of "those" blogs)
            I'll say this: at 26, I'm completely lost. And for the first time, I really really, give a damn. And I have less time than ever, to entertain what really matters to me- and I recently realized, that's a huge problem. I want to be surrounded by beautiful things that matter to me. Less clutter. Less purchases based on some "statement" I saw some other girl make and thought I could too. Less indecision. Less caring so much about what other people think that it's crippling. Less pressure. More deep breaths.

My dad waited til he was 69 to become a sculptor. When I read on his website he traded his dream to be an artist in to be a father and husband and provide for his family- something struck me about conversations we've had- It wasn't about what he did for a living. It was about the fact it took him that long to figure out what really mattered. Because, you make time for the things that matter. And if you don't, time to start. Welcome to my start.

 While I can see myself being happy as a lighting designer, it is my life when I return home from the end of the long day, that I hope - apparently- to define by clues from a pair of boots purchased on a whim that feel like "me". And a few design books. And this nagging feeling that, you can take the girl out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the girl. And I'm not taking Dolly Parton music. I'm talking values based on comfort, views of green, and fresh air. I'm not built for the city, I don't think. It stirs enthusiasm and creativity. It does not, comfort my heart- not like overgrown trees, the smell of hay in our barn, running round barefoot with my nephew through a sprinkler.

so, this blog- which will house far less blathering in future posts and hopefully more pictures...is sort an, i.see.brie exercise.

boots