art and ammo.

I wish I could explain away the reason I've neglected this blog, but I just...I wouldn't even know where to start. But here are some recent thoughts. I sent these to a friend, and realized I wanted to keep them. 

I turned 27 Monday. And this week has been filled with introspection, and reflection. Of course. And is it painful? of course. This is how I treat birthdays. I don't think that will ever change much. 

Something occurred to me tonight which may seem silly but I think says a lot about where I am in life....I got an expensive manicure for myself as a day-after-birthday splurge. And while my hands look great, they seem unfamiliar to me. Hours later I was invited to the pistol range by my boss, to try IDPA shooting (International Defense Pistol Association) which entails loading ammo into magazines, drawing from a holster, etc. I accepted the invite, nails unscathed. 

Tonight I had planned to etch for a while. A process I need to work on as I was accepted into an art fair in 2 weeks or so, and need to complete more work. I looked at my nails and thought, shit, those chemicals will strip this right off. 

And then it dawned on me. Recently I've made all these attempts to appear a certain way. Partially because I've fallen into this designer realm where everyone looks, and acts a similar way. And they're all so "put together" it's literally nauseating. But it's not really who I am. I grew up in the country. Pulling weeds, petting goats, running around barefoot. I learned that hard work and art were a way to a good life, and here I found myself hesitating based on some stupid paint on my nails. There was no art, here. I didn't feel connected to it. 

At 27, I realize, it's more important to me now to have the hands of an artist. The hands of a pistol shooter. The hands of someone who tries something. I'm not interested in being under any false pretenses. Sometimes I open the hood of my car, and I want to investigate something. I'm not sure the idea of chipping nails is something I want holding me back from that. 

I'm not sure when I thought the appearance of being privileged was more important than hard work, or trying something new. At the end of my life I don't think I want to add up the hours spent in manicure or pedicure chairs with aimless chit chat with a stranger I'll never encounter again. My values entail a scenario much more along the lines of hard work, dedication to an art. Having hands of a doer. Not an observer. I come from a family of workers. Laborers. I didn't earn this. 

I think that's just, where I need to be now. I fight it I think, because at 27 I imagined myself this polished designer. But, I'm not sure I care much about that, really. 

It may seem insignificant, but it's not. Not in my heart, anyway. 

for Jeff

reasons to not date an interior designer...a start...

1.      They touch everything, especially in retail environments– texture rules.

2.   Color is as defining as emotions. How are you today? Well, sage green just feels right.

3.      Every time you visit their home or apartment, something will have shifted, and however minor (say, 6” to the right) they expect you to notice.

4.     You wake up in the middle of the night hearing them scream “when is the deadline?”

5.       They hate architects- because moving a wall 1’-0" will change the balance of a floor pattern they spent way too long designing.

6.       They’re likely to have a meltdown over which shower curtain to purchase for their own bathroom, and what it says about them.

7.       They collect magazines. For inspiration, but never look at them.

8.       At dinner, they will be preoccupied obsessing over whether someone in a wheelchair could easily maneuver around the space.  And, if not, spend the duration drafting a letter in their head to the owners describing the importance of universal design.

9.       They collect furniture. Of different styles. Generally more “project” pieces than functional.

10.   They dream of the day people stop using “decorators” to describe their profession. 

11. They will judge you on your depth perception or lack thereof. 

12. They will borrow your napkin at the bar to draw on. Regardless of whether you've OK'd it.

(to be continued)

in response to: http://abourbonforsilvia.wordpress.com/2010/11/10/50-reasons-not-to-date-a-graphic-designer/